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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I did not join Facebook to read your club promo.

To all my promoter friends/"friends" on Facebook. I just can't take it anymore. Please see the following:

ABCDEFG invited you to AWESOMENESS AT HAPPY HOUR IN SOUTH BEACH!!!@@@@@ $5 wells/ so and so CONTEST!!!!!! PRIZES for the best so and so!!!!!

HIJKLMNOP invited you to FaT nIgHtS @ XYZ Club. $10 cover. All YOU CAN DRINK!!!! Hosted by DJ So and So.

QRSTUVWXY invited you to LADIES DRINK FREE ALL NIGHT!!! No cover if you WeaR WHITE!!

This is wrong on so many levels. To start, YOU ARE INFILTRATING MY INBOX. I may login to Facebook hmmm...bout once a week. However, you still manage to slam your way into my daily routine once you hit my Gmail Facebook alerter thingy. Next, I love exclamation marks, but usually one-at-a-time. I have been known to add two or three, but there is a standard (read: I better be pretty flipping excited). Your happy hour in South Beach doesn't met the requisite state of exclamatory response. And related to the amount in a single use is the frequency. If you exclaim everything, you exclaim nothing. Finally, you are not performing. If this was my improv comedian, trapeze flying, or opera singing of a friend (whom I have yet to meet), then I am more than happy to hear about your performance. I may even get crazy and promote it myself.

Otherwise, I may just have to go ahead and do the unspeakable. UNFRIEND you. Not that you probably care being that I have not seen you since middle school (and that was almost 15 yrs ago). Good luck with your endeavors, but please leave my living-in-a-state-9-hours-north-of-you self be. I couldn't attend anyway. My pilot is on permanent vacation.


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